People.

People confuse me. They act and behave so sporadically that it’s sometimes nearly impossible to truly know someone. A good friend of mine, whom I have known for over eight years (and will call “G” in this blog), is currently in the worst mental state of his life due to severe issues with his now “ex” wife. The whole situation came and went in a whirlwind of anger and confusion in about a two week time span  and it still confuses the whole team of people involved. I don’t truly think anyone fully processes it all yet simply because of the circumstances involved that led up to the dissolution of the marriage. It was a shock to everyone, and only got worse as more and more facts were revealed. My heart reaches out to him fully because of what he now has to deal with. I cannot begin to fathom his state of being right now but ultimately he will be a better and wiser man after he emerges. Currently though he is in tatters.

I’m not saying I’m a perfect person, which gives me the right to judge others like a saint. I’m not perfect. I've done my fair share of stupid things in life, and a lot of them could have been mitigated if I had more foresight about the downstream effects. Hindsight is a cruel thing though, and unfortunately there is no rewind button on our actions. G, like myself, must live with what has happened and only learn from it. Relationships can be repaired to a point, evil acts can be forgiven somewhat, and enemies can be absolved, but the deep and inner hurt will always live on – if even as the smallest smolder of anger. I imagine he will never truly recover from the broken marriage that started growing when he and I were freshman in high school - just like my friendships I destroyed due to incorrectly started romantic relationships in college.

I learned from my mistakes. Truly I did. That whole year was a complete clusterfuck, and I was in severe depression for a long time after I had time to reflect on what I did. As a trusting and loving person who doesn't want others to be harmed, I hope that my friend’s ex-wife never gets to the depression I was in, but if she does I hope she learns from it and has the bravado to go forward and admit that she was wrong. She has no one but G to apologize to since her ruined social circle are now nothing more than on-watchers  I will, of course, do all that is in my power to keep her away from him so he doesn't fall into a rebound, but I think he is strong enough to know to not repeat. She needs to pay for what she has done, even if it’s a personal battle that she fights with herself. Everyone needs to feel the consequences of their missteps, and I don’t think I’m a cruel person for saying it. The only way that anyone can heal from a traumatic life event is to have raw nerves exposed no matter what side of it they were on. We like to get caught up in spontaneous actions and spur-of-the-moments, but after all the cards are on the table reality always seeps back in.

I don’t hate her, but I hate what she did, and I hate how she made my friend feel. I hate how she made us all feel, and I hate that she has removed even the slightest part of my high school social circle. I don’t know if she deserves a second chance with us – all I know is that G doesn't owe her anything, so everything else is irrelevant.