We are however separated into stark different groups by the ways we react to situations and social events that are thrown at us almost every day. "Our decisions define us" as the saying goes. This can be seen in everything as high as corporate social ladder and by teeny bopper high school cliques. Who we sit with at lunch in the office, and even the clubs we gravitate towards for our night life scene shape who we interact with and ultimately spend our lives with. Every single thing we do or don't do defines and labels us to the rest of the world. This is such a subconscious and unnoticed thing that the opposite sex is attracted to a lot of the little cues and signs we exude without even realizing it. I've seen it called "swagger", "game", "class", but no matter what we name it, it is something that we do not have direct control over. Even if we are cognizant of it and do our best to shape the nonverbal communication in our favor, it is still ultimately up to fate to decide if we are successful. These facets of our personalities, who we are at their mercy of, also make us into the people our friends and loved ones enjoy. Even the way we sit in a chair during an office meeting can show a part of our professionalism, which can further reveal links about our attitude in life. Slouching back may show that we are more care free, which means we are less prone to stress and therefore handle being busy better... which could show that you can juggle more work. But it can also mean that you don't care, don't have any ambition or drive, and are just there for a paycheck. It all depends on all of the people involved in the communication.
Et cetra, et cetra.
All of this is useless though when it comes to the unnatural side of ourselves. The most charismatic and powerful person in my company could be a severely childish and insecure individual who has two overwhelming and crippling fears: 1.) public speaking and 2.) cheese. Sure, it sounds insane. It sounds crazy, and it's irrational. That's the whole point of a phobia. It doesn't make sense, it can hinder you, but you can't escape it. I've already written about the cruel nature of phobophobia in one of my past blogs (the "fear of being afraid" if you aren't aware) but I never spoke about myself. So here we go.
I have three irrational fears.
1.) The fear of falling from heights. I am not scared of heights. Don't get the two mixed up since they are in no way the same. Whenever I am on a plane I will purposefully pick the seat by the window so I can watch the take off. I had no problem staring straight down at the ground when I was on the top of the Eiffel Tower. I do not get queasy on roller coasters (I will pick the front seat so I can see the entire descent), and bridges are not a concern. No, my fear is the falling. I found this out when I was asked to walk a rope bridge when I was in elementary school. Even though I was harnessed to the trees on both ends and even though I had more safety gear on than an NFL linebacker I was frightened to the point of immobility. I would not move, and ever since then I cannot put myself in a position to fall. I bet this doesn't make sense to you. Again, that's the point. It's irrational. Some people are afraid of pickles.
The horror.
2.) The fear of speaking in front of a crowd of strangers. I relate this to my speech problem that was developed at a young age since I was never able to fully will myself to want to speak in front of the class. Even if I loved the subject I was presenting I would push off the presentation for as long as possible. A lot of this probably has to do with my speech pattern is hereditary. At least I know that both my father and grandfather have gone through the same type of torture.It used to be so bad though that, to quote Jerry Seinfeld, "I would rather be inside the coffin than delivering the eulogy."
3.) Failure/Being Alone. I equate these both together since in my mind if I am alone for the rest of my life then I have failed multiple times along the way. I know that a lot of people are perfectly fine not having a mate/soul mate/spouse, but I have been wired since childhood to believe that to be successful you have to be married, have at least one kid, and own a nice house. Granted I am not looking for a wife right now, but it's still an irrational fear of mine to the point that I really start to look back at my past relationships and try to dissect what I did wrong. It's not a healthy practice.
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